Finding Sabrina
I am Sabrina. I am a wife, a mother and so much more. But throughout the past decade I have slowly gotten away from me and become someone who I neither recognize nor like. This is my journey to becoming the me I believe I should be - the me I am inside!
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Update 7/2/14
I created a "daily docket" of sorts that allows me to track my "to-do" list, but it also serves as my workout and diet journal. I've been using them for 10 days, and over all I feel they've been working out well. I also started tacking my weight and measurements on a 6wk tracker. So far I'm a week in and I haven't seen any changes in my weight or measurements. I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong. I've been working out every day, usually around an hour, and I'm eating mostly fruits and veggies. I've cut down intake of bread, meat, dairy and other "junk" in favor of plant based foods. But for some reason I'm not seeing any changes yet. I guess I just need to keep it up. Each week I do a little better, so I'll get there eventually.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
6/19/14
I clearly got away from keeping up with my progress reports. But I am committed to doing them... So I'm going to start over. I've actually been doing rather well when it comes to workouts, food & housework. I've been cutting back on my TV & computer time a LOT. Really I just don't seem to have any time for it. Which means my blogs and FB page are starting to take a real hit. But I'm hoping once I get this house under control, I will have some more time to fire those up again... I've cut my page back to just 5 days a week, and the blog back to 2, so hopefully I won't have to actually take time off to keep up with them.
We've been doing much better at family time too. The kids are on the games less, although I still have to drag them outside kicking and screaming. But they're reading more and over all their behavior has been better as well.
I am buying a bathroom scale today. So I can actually start to keep track of my weight. And I think I'm going to do a few measurements and see exactly where I stand. And starting this week (Monday) I hope to start keeping track of things (food, workouts, weight) and actually begin doing weekly updates on here. Hopefully that will help to keep me a little more conscious of what I'm doing.
I still haven't seemed to find any time for things like daily meditation. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't think about it, and then the day is moving and the kids are up and in my face and it's impossible to relax, let alone meditate. And although I try before bed, I'm usually to tired and end up falling asleep...
I've been working on "daily plan" sheets for my personal binder. I'm hoping it will help keep me organized and help me keep things in order. I'll give it a week, see how I feel.
We've been doing much better at family time too. The kids are on the games less, although I still have to drag them outside kicking and screaming. But they're reading more and over all their behavior has been better as well.
I am buying a bathroom scale today. So I can actually start to keep track of my weight. And I think I'm going to do a few measurements and see exactly where I stand. And starting this week (Monday) I hope to start keeping track of things (food, workouts, weight) and actually begin doing weekly updates on here. Hopefully that will help to keep me a little more conscious of what I'm doing.
I still haven't seemed to find any time for things like daily meditation. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't think about it, and then the day is moving and the kids are up and in my face and it's impossible to relax, let alone meditate. And although I try before bed, I'm usually to tired and end up falling asleep...
I've been working on "daily plan" sheets for my personal binder. I'm hoping it will help keep me organized and help me keep things in order. I'll give it a week, see how I feel.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Daily Journal 3/29
DREAM JOURNAL: I had the worst nightmares last night.
First I dreamed that we were all swiming in the ocean together and the tide washed us out. Then I realized there were sharks all around us and Jay & I had to try to get the kids out of the water before we were all eaten.
My second nightmare was just horrid! I dreamed that I heard all these noises in the basement, but I knew Scott wasn't here. So I went down stairs to see what was going on. I heard noises in the back room, so I grabbed a sickle to protect myself and went back to see who was in my house - when Jay jumped out and scared me shit-less... After he went upstairs Dink came in and told me she had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her medication. Which was strange since it was so late. I went back upstairs and realized it was nearly 9pm (which is strange because I somehow know it was noon when I went down to the basement). Jay and I talked about how late it was. For some reason Madeline and I went out front and started to walk up the street. The moon was HUGE and beautiful. I remember thinking it must be the "Black Moon." So we went back to the house so I could get the camera. I needed to get photos of this big beautiful moon. When I went back outside I started taking photos of this moon. It was strange at this point. It was huge, and looked so close that I could clearly see the craters, and it was kinda black with a red tinge around the rim. As I took photos I realized there was a second moon, a normal looking one way up in the eastern sky where it should be. Moments later I saw what I thought was a "shooting star" but it turned out to be a giant flaming missile in the shape of a cockroach. Then I realized they were coming out of this huge black "moon" and hitting the houses all around me. I ran back to the house just in time for one to hit the back corner of my house where my bedroom is. All the kids were jumping on my bed when it hit and Alex was hurt. We pulled the kids out of the rubble and in to the kitchen. Then the lights went out. Dink (who was inexplicably here again) said we have to get the kids packed up and go to her house. The lights started coming on, then going out - we lost all control of them as we started throwing clothes in bags trying to make sure we had everything. We didn't know if we would ever come back here. We emptied out the boy's book bags so we could use them to pack their clothing. Hunter was really upset because I didn't make a big deal out of his A+ on a test that had been in his bag. So I was trying to explain to him that the world as we knew it was over and chances are he wasn't going back to school. Then as we were packing up Alex's PJ's and make sure that we had warm ones so that he wouldn't be cold if we had to sleep outside, we were trying to tell the kids that we were going to do our best to keep them safe. Finally my conscious brain became aware and I realized I was dreaming, so I woke up. At which point I just gave up sleeping and got out of bed.
First I dreamed that we were all swiming in the ocean together and the tide washed us out. Then I realized there were sharks all around us and Jay & I had to try to get the kids out of the water before we were all eaten.
My second nightmare was just horrid! I dreamed that I heard all these noises in the basement, but I knew Scott wasn't here. So I went down stairs to see what was going on. I heard noises in the back room, so I grabbed a sickle to protect myself and went back to see who was in my house - when Jay jumped out and scared me shit-less... After he went upstairs Dink came in and told me she had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her medication. Which was strange since it was so late. I went back upstairs and realized it was nearly 9pm (which is strange because I somehow know it was noon when I went down to the basement). Jay and I talked about how late it was. For some reason Madeline and I went out front and started to walk up the street. The moon was HUGE and beautiful. I remember thinking it must be the "Black Moon." So we went back to the house so I could get the camera. I needed to get photos of this big beautiful moon. When I went back outside I started taking photos of this moon. It was strange at this point. It was huge, and looked so close that I could clearly see the craters, and it was kinda black with a red tinge around the rim. As I took photos I realized there was a second moon, a normal looking one way up in the eastern sky where it should be. Moments later I saw what I thought was a "shooting star" but it turned out to be a giant flaming missile in the shape of a cockroach. Then I realized they were coming out of this huge black "moon" and hitting the houses all around me. I ran back to the house just in time for one to hit the back corner of my house where my bedroom is. All the kids were jumping on my bed when it hit and Alex was hurt. We pulled the kids out of the rubble and in to the kitchen. Then the lights went out. Dink (who was inexplicably here again) said we have to get the kids packed up and go to her house. The lights started coming on, then going out - we lost all control of them as we started throwing clothes in bags trying to make sure we had everything. We didn't know if we would ever come back here. We emptied out the boy's book bags so we could use them to pack their clothing. Hunter was really upset because I didn't make a big deal out of his A+ on a test that had been in his bag. So I was trying to explain to him that the world as we knew it was over and chances are he wasn't going back to school. Then as we were packing up Alex's PJ's and make sure that we had warm ones so that he wouldn't be cold if we had to sleep outside, we were trying to tell the kids that we were going to do our best to keep them safe. Finally my conscious brain became aware and I realized I was dreaming, so I woke up. At which point I just gave up sleeping and got out of bed.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Daily Journal 3/27
I've really been slacking on keeping up with this. So I've decided since I encourage others to journal their way to health (and I do keep an offline journal) that it's time to start keeping an online journal. I'm hoping this will help me to stay on track, but I'm also hoping it will help others to get there.
I still haven't bought myself a scale, I know I need to, but I just can't seem to bite the bullet.
I was on a scale about a month ago and it read 242lbs. Which when you think the time before that I was at 265lbs, I suppose that's not a bad thing. But it leaves a lot of room for improvement!
I've started Oil Pulling every morning and I'm already seeing a decent improvement in my dental health. I haven't had bloody gums in a week now. So YEA!
I completely lost track of my cycle and forgot to write down when it started this month, but I am fairly sure I'm right around day 11 or so. I've been to exhausted to be interested in anything but sleep though.
The weather has been insane and I'm really feeling it. It's really cold STILL, and it snowed yesterday. So my hands are really sore and my joints feel achy and tired. My back is hurting the worst.
DIET - What I ate today:
Breakfast: Juice (2 apples, 3 stalks of celery, 5 carrots, 1sm zucchini) & tea no honey
Lunch: Smoothie (2 bananas, 2T Choc. PB, 2T Milk)
Dinner: Beets, Dinner Salad, Ranch Pasta Salad, Roast Beef & Cheese Sandwich
Snack: None
Snack:
Glasses of Water: --
WORKOUT:
I actually got in a full half hour run on my gazelle. But I couldn't handle any more than that. I actually fell asleep while on the gazelle - unsure as to how that happens, but it did.
I still haven't bought myself a scale, I know I need to, but I just can't seem to bite the bullet.
I was on a scale about a month ago and it read 242lbs. Which when you think the time before that I was at 265lbs, I suppose that's not a bad thing. But it leaves a lot of room for improvement!
I've started Oil Pulling every morning and I'm already seeing a decent improvement in my dental health. I haven't had bloody gums in a week now. So YEA!
I completely lost track of my cycle and forgot to write down when it started this month, but I am fairly sure I'm right around day 11 or so. I've been to exhausted to be interested in anything but sleep though.
The weather has been insane and I'm really feeling it. It's really cold STILL, and it snowed yesterday. So my hands are really sore and my joints feel achy and tired. My back is hurting the worst.
DIET - What I ate today:
Breakfast: Juice (2 apples, 3 stalks of celery, 5 carrots, 1sm zucchini) & tea no honey
Lunch: Smoothie (2 bananas, 2T Choc. PB, 2T Milk)
Dinner: Beets, Dinner Salad, Ranch Pasta Salad, Roast Beef & Cheese Sandwich
Snack: None
Snack:
Glasses of Water: --
WORKOUT:
I actually got in a full half hour run on my gazelle. But I couldn't handle any more than that. I actually fell asleep while on the gazelle - unsure as to how that happens, but it did.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Update for 1/9
Truth be told here, I'm struggling! It's not that I'm not getting things done. I am. But I'm not getting them done as well or as quickly as I had hoped! I wanted to get my bedroom - and most of my house - cleaned and organized over the last week. That, unfortunately, didn't happen. Mostly because I this is my first full day since before Christmas Vacation. The kids have either had a delay or a day off since Dec. 20 or 21... So I have yet to really get a good, full day, put in to this house. And now that I do, I'm exhausted.
Also, since my food budget has been cut I'm struggling to create the healthy veggie filled meals I wanted to. I started building the menu, and I still am, but this last week it's been really hard to not just eat HotDogs every day. Real food is EXPENSIVE! And I know they say "you pay now or you pay later" but if you don't have it now, it's easy to fall in to those habits.
I did find a place to get Local Raw Honey, now I just need to come up with the cash to go get some. But they are also going to sell me wax, so YEAH me, I'll have everything I need (once I get it) to make my salves, balms and syrups for the shop. That's a plus, and a big move in the right direction...
I'm having some issues finding the time to get on the gazelle too! I have it set up in the Livingroom so I don't have to struggle to put it up and take it down any more, that's a plus. But finding the time to get on it is killing me, especially with all this extra work for me to do.
But every day is a new day. I AM seeing some changes being made. I AM getting things done. Just slower than I had hoped! I really need to focus on that fact! I'm not failing! The ONLY way I can fail, is if I quit, and I'm not doing that! Hell, thanks to the changes I've already made, I couldn't go back if I wanted to, the smell of all the boxed foods we used to eat every day makes me sick now. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing?!?
And I KNOW once I get things done, I AM going to keep them done! So I suppose I should stop focusing on how slowly things are getting done and instead focus on the fact that they are...
Keeping my head up!
Also, since my food budget has been cut I'm struggling to create the healthy veggie filled meals I wanted to. I started building the menu, and I still am, but this last week it's been really hard to not just eat HotDogs every day. Real food is EXPENSIVE! And I know they say "you pay now or you pay later" but if you don't have it now, it's easy to fall in to those habits.
I did find a place to get Local Raw Honey, now I just need to come up with the cash to go get some. But they are also going to sell me wax, so YEAH me, I'll have everything I need (once I get it) to make my salves, balms and syrups for the shop. That's a plus, and a big move in the right direction...
I'm having some issues finding the time to get on the gazelle too! I have it set up in the Livingroom so I don't have to struggle to put it up and take it down any more, that's a plus. But finding the time to get on it is killing me, especially with all this extra work for me to do.
But every day is a new day. I AM seeing some changes being made. I AM getting things done. Just slower than I had hoped! I really need to focus on that fact! I'm not failing! The ONLY way I can fail, is if I quit, and I'm not doing that! Hell, thanks to the changes I've already made, I couldn't go back if I wanted to, the smell of all the boxed foods we used to eat every day makes me sick now. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing?!?
And I KNOW once I get things done, I AM going to keep them done! So I suppose I should stop focusing on how slowly things are getting done and instead focus on the fact that they are...
Keeping my head up!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
False Starting...
Well, so far I'm not doing as well as I wanted to. I kept a food journal for exactly two days. Then, I forgot. So I'm starting over. Hopefully this time I make it more than 2 days. Or at least don't miss more than a day or two...
I have been working to set up a monthly menu. It's harder than I thought! I think I may have to schedule in a few "empty" days for new recipes or things I want to try, or days we don't eat here or days we just don't feel like eating... But that makes things more difficult. I'm getting it done though. I suppose that's what counts.
Now, for the financial journal. I got as far as buying the notebook. It's proving to be harder than I thought it would be. I have no idea where Jay spends his money. And with it being just pre-holidays spending is a little more extravagant than normal. BUT I have created a small savings plan and I have started putting cash away each week. Of course I doubt I'll ever really save to much towards the big goals, but it may help towards the smaller ones. If nothing else, this time next year I won't need to worry about where the money for gifts is coming from. Or hell, maybe I'll use it for that new wardrobe I've been needing - and will be needing after I loose all this weight from eating healthy! YEA!
I still need to buy a bathroom scale! Maybe I'll add that to today's list. I honestly have no idea what I weigh, which I guess is an important piece of information when you're trying to get healthy.
I need to start getting that workout in too! It seems like such a little thing - 30mins a day. But I just can't ever seem to get it done. I guess that's because I hate doing it. I have this one workout DVD and the woman says "No one has ever worked out and then wished later that they didn't." Seriously? I wish that EVERY TIME I workout. I hate it! It's hot and sweaty and gross... And then I'm in pain after. The last thing I want is more pain. But I know I need to fit it in... So I suppose I should get on it!
I have been working to set up a monthly menu. It's harder than I thought! I think I may have to schedule in a few "empty" days for new recipes or things I want to try, or days we don't eat here or days we just don't feel like eating... But that makes things more difficult. I'm getting it done though. I suppose that's what counts.
Now, for the financial journal. I got as far as buying the notebook. It's proving to be harder than I thought it would be. I have no idea where Jay spends his money. And with it being just pre-holidays spending is a little more extravagant than normal. BUT I have created a small savings plan and I have started putting cash away each week. Of course I doubt I'll ever really save to much towards the big goals, but it may help towards the smaller ones. If nothing else, this time next year I won't need to worry about where the money for gifts is coming from. Or hell, maybe I'll use it for that new wardrobe I've been needing - and will be needing after I loose all this weight from eating healthy! YEA!
I still need to buy a bathroom scale! Maybe I'll add that to today's list. I honestly have no idea what I weigh, which I guess is an important piece of information when you're trying to get healthy.
I need to start getting that workout in too! It seems like such a little thing - 30mins a day. But I just can't ever seem to get it done. I guess that's because I hate doing it. I have this one workout DVD and the woman says "No one has ever worked out and then wished later that they didn't." Seriously? I wish that EVERY TIME I workout. I hate it! It's hot and sweaty and gross... And then I'm in pain after. The last thing I want is more pain. But I know I need to fit it in... So I suppose I should get on it!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
First Steps
So I suppose once you have goals, you need to have a plan on how you're going to get there. Quite frankly, I'm good at plans. I'm just not always that good at follow through. Of course that's always the plan, and I tend to do good for the first few weeks. Then I have a bad day and fall off. My biggest issue is getting back on the horse right away. I always find myself doing this thing where it's Tuesday and I don't workout, so they I wait til Monday to start again... WTH? Why didn't I just do it on Wednesday? Who knows. Because I'm tired! Because I don't feel well! But I'm never going to feel well or well rested if I don't work to get healthy. Talk Catch 22.
But I suppose my next step is making the plans. How do I get from where I am, to where I want to be? I understand it can't all happen over night. But I have issues understanding how long it should or will take. My goal is to open a shop in town in 10 years... But I wonder if I shouldn't aim for 5 years. I mean, my biggest reason for not working outside the home is that I still have a kid at home full time... But she'll start school in just 3 years, at which point I should be able to put all day (while she's at school) in to my projects and shop. From then on aiming to open a shop in town in 2 years shouldn't seem like such a huge thing. But here I am starting out and unsure as to where to aim. I don't want to aim for something unattainable - like opening a shop in town in 6mos. And I don't want to aim for something that won't give me something to work for - like a 25 year goal - because I'll drag my feet. So I tend to feel overwhelmed when it comes to setting time lines for goals, and that makes it hard to build a good solid workable plan.
Anyways, plans... I can do plans. And hopefully I can stick to them. I just have to remember to take baby steps, and not drag my feet all at the same time.
So what goals do I need to work on first? I suppose if I want the big stuff I need to get the "little stuff" out of the way first. Can't buy a house if you have a ton of debt, can't get healthy if you're eating junk... And those sound like good places to start.
Here goes... I'm going to try to break up my goals and then make 30 day plans that I can work on. At the end of 30 days, I hope to reevaluate and see what needs changed, added or removed to make things work better.
Goal 1: Journalling
I'm going to say the first step to making change is knowing where you are. Because of this, I'm going to head out and get a few notebooks that I can use for journalling. In one I will keep a record of everything I eat, drink and whenever I workout. And in another I will keep a record of our finances. What is coming in and exactly where is it going?
Goal 2: Meal Plan & Budget
If my first month is going to be about learning where I stand, the second needs to be about making changes for the better. So I need to work on creating a 30 day meal plan for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and 2 Snacks a day! That way I will always know what needs prepared, what needs bought and I (hopefully) won't wonder in to the kitchen and reach for cookies more than I should either. And a budget is a MUST if we are ever going to pay off our debts or get a savings going. Way to often we aren't paying real bills because we're wasting our cash on junk we don't need.
Goal 3: 50 Items in Shop
As of the moment I'm writing this I have 13 items listed for sale in my etsy shop. You can NOT build a business on 13 items! I have quite a few items that I hope to list and even a few that are ready to list and I simply haven't done it yet. That needs to be changed! I need to have a minimum of 50 items in my shop at all times, and get to the point where I'm adding 5 or 6 listings a week! Since many of my herbal listings just need mixed & packaged there is really no reason I can't do that!
Goal 4: Daily Docket
One of my biggest hurdles in getting and staying organized is creating a system that will allow me to get on and stay on track. I found one woman's option on Pinterest that she called her "daily docket." It allowed her to break down her day and keep it all visible and accessible at all times through her day. I love the idea but printing up a new one each day just sounds like a waste of paper and money, plus if I have to type up one each night, it's a lot of time... Instead, I took her idea and created my own that now simply needs finished, printed and placed in a "report cover" so that I can use a dry erase marker to cross off or add to it each day. Hopefully with a simply and portable system in place I won't get so off track.
Now, if I can get all this "prep work" done before January first, I will really be setting myself up for a win in the next year. It's going to take some time and a lot of work, but I believe I can do it all if I really work on it.
Good Luck To Me!
But I suppose my next step is making the plans. How do I get from where I am, to where I want to be? I understand it can't all happen over night. But I have issues understanding how long it should or will take. My goal is to open a shop in town in 10 years... But I wonder if I shouldn't aim for 5 years. I mean, my biggest reason for not working outside the home is that I still have a kid at home full time... But she'll start school in just 3 years, at which point I should be able to put all day (while she's at school) in to my projects and shop. From then on aiming to open a shop in town in 2 years shouldn't seem like such a huge thing. But here I am starting out and unsure as to where to aim. I don't want to aim for something unattainable - like opening a shop in town in 6mos. And I don't want to aim for something that won't give me something to work for - like a 25 year goal - because I'll drag my feet. So I tend to feel overwhelmed when it comes to setting time lines for goals, and that makes it hard to build a good solid workable plan.
Anyways, plans... I can do plans. And hopefully I can stick to them. I just have to remember to take baby steps, and not drag my feet all at the same time.
So what goals do I need to work on first? I suppose if I want the big stuff I need to get the "little stuff" out of the way first. Can't buy a house if you have a ton of debt, can't get healthy if you're eating junk... And those sound like good places to start.
Here goes... I'm going to try to break up my goals and then make 30 day plans that I can work on. At the end of 30 days, I hope to reevaluate and see what needs changed, added or removed to make things work better.
Goal 1: Journalling
I'm going to say the first step to making change is knowing where you are. Because of this, I'm going to head out and get a few notebooks that I can use for journalling. In one I will keep a record of everything I eat, drink and whenever I workout. And in another I will keep a record of our finances. What is coming in and exactly where is it going?
Goal 2: Meal Plan & Budget
If my first month is going to be about learning where I stand, the second needs to be about making changes for the better. So I need to work on creating a 30 day meal plan for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and 2 Snacks a day! That way I will always know what needs prepared, what needs bought and I (hopefully) won't wonder in to the kitchen and reach for cookies more than I should either. And a budget is a MUST if we are ever going to pay off our debts or get a savings going. Way to often we aren't paying real bills because we're wasting our cash on junk we don't need.
Goal 3: 50 Items in Shop
As of the moment I'm writing this I have 13 items listed for sale in my etsy shop. You can NOT build a business on 13 items! I have quite a few items that I hope to list and even a few that are ready to list and I simply haven't done it yet. That needs to be changed! I need to have a minimum of 50 items in my shop at all times, and get to the point where I'm adding 5 or 6 listings a week! Since many of my herbal listings just need mixed & packaged there is really no reason I can't do that!
Goal 4: Daily Docket
One of my biggest hurdles in getting and staying organized is creating a system that will allow me to get on and stay on track. I found one woman's option on Pinterest that she called her "daily docket." It allowed her to break down her day and keep it all visible and accessible at all times through her day. I love the idea but printing up a new one each day just sounds like a waste of paper and money, plus if I have to type up one each night, it's a lot of time... Instead, I took her idea and created my own that now simply needs finished, printed and placed in a "report cover" so that I can use a dry erase marker to cross off or add to it each day. Hopefully with a simply and portable system in place I won't get so off track.
Now, if I can get all this "prep work" done before January first, I will really be setting myself up for a win in the next year. It's going to take some time and a lot of work, but I believe I can do it all if I really work on it.
Good Luck To Me!
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